(TV) Sure it's easy when you support a premiership club...

[AndrewMFC@aol.com]

...but it's hard to come up with things to talk about when you support 
Millwall.
Here's a hilarious summing up of recent postings in 'Wall web-site House of 
Fun's "Controversial Corner"....
-----------------------------
The day's postings begin with references to the comments made in the tabloid 
press blaming the lack of NHS beds on Ricky Newman. Albert is forced to 
defend his fellow journos and says "Come and have a go if you think you're 
hard enough". 

"In any case" continues Albert, "if Palarse ever signed Gary Pallister I'm 
gonna use the headline 'Crystal Pallister'. Where else would you see 
hilarious puns like that?"

Pinkie (resident sassy Millwall lass - ed.) is requested to ask at the next 
MSC meeting if there are plans to introduce the peanut Lion Bar in the food 
kiosks. Pinks says she will find out, but only if our chairman agrees that 
Brian Law will play in every match. Naked.

Gazza asks whether the team would be better playing 3-5-2 or 4-4-2. No one 
replies.

Charls finally admits that Nigel Spink is not as good looking as she first 
thought. "I feel such a fool" says Charls, "all this time I've been looking 
at his picture upside down".

After not posting a message for nearly two minutes TAMP cures his withdrawal 
symptoms by telling everyone that they should live in Wales. "It's great here 
because Swansea has the highest number of Welshmen in a town called Swansea".

Gazza asks whether we should buy a right-back or a midfielder. No one replies.

After an in-depth discussion about obscure early 70s rock lyrics, Neil 
Andrews has to surrender his Lyricmaster title after he admits he held an 
unfair advantage - he's a member of a Yes tribute band. As an apology he 
offers free tickets to their tour of the Shetland Islands. 

Albert says he can beat that: he's got 400 Uzbekhistani electric toothbrushes 
to give away. He's a bit weurgh, you know.

In an attempt to feel closer to his neighbours, TAMP reveals that he's 
changing his name to Rees Llangwrrlyochllryllwrlloch. His mates call him 
'Taff' for short.

After giving up smoking for the fourteenth time in the last week, a stressed 
Pinkie suffixes every word of her four-page MSC agenda with the word 'shite'.

Paul Neve reveals that after recent hostilities amongst some HoFers he's off 
on a course for a week. It's an enjoyable course but he's not happy having to 
use the ladies tee on the fifth.

Theo Paphitas (Millwall chairman) logs in to offer every HoFer free entry to 
the next home match. No one replies.

The week's most intelligent debate concludes when the North American 
contingent comment on the previous night's ice-hockey matches. Particular 
reference is made to the New York Hot Dogs' 5-4 overtime loss to the Denver 
Donuts. "If only our star man, Todd Doubleburger, hadn't left his lucky stick 
at home" groans Burnsy.

Albert reveals that he never wipes his arse after having a shit. Because he's 
a geezer.

After his fourth bottle of scotch, Lee Owen says "bgftuivn jreia mngf".

"Thanks Lee", says Richard Whiteley, "that's the next Countdown Conundrum".
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